Heaven Jokes Category

Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both live to their early 90`s, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they`re reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man`s friend asks, "Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there`s baseball in heave... Read more

A man arrived at the gates of Heaven.St. Peter asked, "Religion?"The man said, "Methodist."St. Peter looked down his list and said," Go to Room 24, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."Another man arrived at the gates of Heaven."Religion?""Catholic.""Go to Room 18, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."A third man ar... Read more

A soldier, a marine, and an airman got into a fight about which service is best. The fight was so heated, that they killed each other.Soon, they found themselves in Heaven. They see St. Peter walk by and ask, ?WhichBranch of Service is the best??St. Peter replied, ?I can`t answer that. But, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him.?Some time later, the three see... Read more

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him,?You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go tosneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are??Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, ?Could I have a blackboard and some chalk??Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.Saint Peter is suitably impressed. ?You really ARE Einstein!? he says. ?Welcometo heaven!?The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Sain... Read more

Mother Teresa died and went to heaven. God greeted her at the Pearly Gates. "Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" asked God."I could eat," Mother Teresa replied.So God opened a can of tuna and reached for a chunk of rye bread and they began to share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looked down into Hell and saw the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, and pastries. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remained quiet.The next day God again invited her to join him for a meal. Again, it was tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa could see th... Read more

Heaven & HellHEAVEN is where:The police are BritishThe chefs ItalianThe mechanics are GermanThe lovers are Frenchand it`s all organised by the S... Read more

A Lawyer dies and goes to heaven. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter. "Hello mate," says St. Peter, "I`m sorry, no Lawyers in heaven.""What?" exclaims the man, astonished."You heard, no Lawyers.""But, but, but, I`ve been a good man", replies the Lawyer."Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?""Well" said the guy, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 dollars to the starvingchildren in Africa"."Oh" says St.... Read more

A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces his presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon reading the entry for the cabby, St. Peter inviteshim to grab a silk robe and a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven.A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been watching these proceedings withinterest. He announces himself to St. Peter. Upon scanning the preacher?s entryin the Big Book... Read more

A Texan died and went to heaven where St. Peter met him at the Pearly Gates.?Show me what you got, Pete,? said Tex.St. Peter swung open the gates andrevealed a beautiful landscape of mountains, rivers, streams, trees, flowers and all the trimmings.?We?ve got that in Texas. We call it King Ranch,? said Tex.St. Pete flashed up a scene of men, women and children frolicking on the countryside, ri... Read more

Saint Peter is checking ID`s at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn`t sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."St. Peter says, "That`s quite something. Come on in. Next!"The second guy in line has been... Read more