Internet Jokes Category

My friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her elderly mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access the popular Ask Jeeves website, and we told her it could answer any question she had.Nancy`s m... Read more

I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room. The ER nurse asked for my height and weight, and ... Read more

A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to... Read more

our name was given to us by a spouse or family member who is concerned about your internet addiction. At Internetaholics Anonymous, we can help.Yes, you--we`re talking to you. You, looking at this screen for hours on end, online. You, bleary eyed. You, an addict. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Been outside? Know what day of the week it is? Have youchecked downstairs to see if your family still lives with you?We`re a non-profit society of recovering addicts like yourself that provides support and counselling through weekly (off-line) meetings designed to help you cope with your problem.We feature a twelve-step recovery program and in extreme cases, interventions. Although it is our firm belief that you are never "cured," you most certainly can recover.We have designed a brief checklist to determine if you are an addict. Doyou:1) Have twitches of the hand when you walk by your terminal?2) Check e-mail more than five times a day?... Read more

Everyone Repeat After Me1. "I won`t get bad luck, lose my friends, lose my mailing lists, hear any music or see a cool pop up screen if I don`t forward this.2. Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money, Victoria`s Secret doesn`t know anything about a gift certificate they`re supposed to send me and Ford will not give me a 50% percent discount even if HAVE forwarded my e-mail to more than 50 people.3. I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons or freebies from Coke-a-Cola, Cracker Barrel, or Old Navy if I send this to 10 people who don`t know who the devil I am anyway.4. I will NEVER see a pop up window if I forward this. NEVER!!!!5. My phone will not MYSTERIOUSLY ring after I forward this.6. There is NO SUCH THING as an Email tracker, and I am not STUPID enough to think that someone will send me $100 for forwarding this to 10 or more people.7. There is no kid with cancer through the Make-A-Wish program in England collecting anything. He did when he was 7 years old. He is now cancer free and 35 years old and doesn`t want any more postcards, calling cards or get-well cards! (His garbage pick-up fees are through the roof from sack... Read more

Signs Technology Took Over Your Life1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty`s address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write is letterhead.2. You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.3. You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can`t because there isn`t one typewriter in your house, only computers with laser printers.4. You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you forget to send your father a birthday card.5. You disdain people who use low baud rates.6. When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers, and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers` questions, while the salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head.7. You use the phrase "digital compression" in a conversation without thinking how strange your mouth feels when you say it.8. You constantly find yourself in groups of people to whom you say the phrase "digital compression." Everyone understands what you mean, and you are not surprised or disappointed that you don`t have to explain it.9. You know Bill Gates` e-mail address, but you have to look up your own social security number.10. You stop saying "phone number" and replace it with "voice number," since we all know the majority of phone lines in any house are plugged into contraptions that talk to other contraptions.11. You sign Christmas cards by putting :-) next to your signature.12. Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than :-).13. You back up your data every day.14. You know more about the computer than about all of your friends.15. You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.16. On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels.17. The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music rarely enters your mind.18. You are able to argue persuasively the Ross Perot`s phrase "electronic town hall" makes m... Read more

Misunderstandings about the InternetCustomer: "I`d like to buy the Internet. Do you know how much it is?"Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"Customer: "I would like an Internet please."Customer: "I just got your Internet in the mail today..."Customer: "I just downloaded the Internet. How do I use it?"Customer: "I don`t have a computer at home. Is the Internet available in book form?"Customer: "Will the Internet be open on Memorial Day tomorrow?"Customer: "We`re getting an Internet from you. Are you guys having any problems sending out your Internets?"Customer: "The Internet is r... Read more

Top Ten Changes to Cable Television ...Top Ten Changes to Cable Television Resulting from AOL Acquiring Time Warner...10. When you turn on your television, you`ll hear "You`ve got Pay Per View".9. There will be a mysterious 19 hour period where your cable just wont work.8. Test Patterns: Televisions equivilent to a busy signal.7. Every once in a while you have to have your cable reinstalled.6. 100 Free Trial Hours of Cable Access which you can`t cancel, no matter how hard you try.5. CIA: Cable Instant Alerter. Now all your fr... Read more

Why TV Is Better Than The World-Wide WebTen Reasons Why TV Is Better Than The World-Wide Web1. It doesn`t take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.2. When was the last time you tuned in to "Friends" and got a "Not Found 404" message?3. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV--even on MTV.4. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.5. A remote... Read more