Irish Jokes Category

Sister Brigid was teaching her young students one day and she asked each ofthem what they would like to be when they grew up. She came to a little girl who responded, "When I grow up I want to be a prostitute." Shocked, good Sister Brigid fainted on the spot. Her students rushed to revive her. When she came around, Sister asked the little girl, "What did you say you wanted to be when you grew up?" The little girl replied, "A prostitute." "Oh thank goodness," the relieved nun replied "I thought you said a Protestant." Read more

The Missing Rooster The irish priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out the back of the parish manse. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens. One Saturday night the cock rooster went missing and as that was the time he suspected cock fights occurred in the village he decided to do something about it at church the next morning. At Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up. "No, no", he said. "That wasn`t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up. "No, no", he said. "That wasn`t what I meant. Hs anybody seen a cock that doesn`t belong to them?" Half the women stood up. "No, no", he said. "That wasn`t what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock?" All the nuns stood up, (and half the alter boys). Read more

Irish father O`Malley got up one fine spring morning and walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside and noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went something like this: "What a grand morinin it is. This is Sgt. Flaherty! How might I help ye?" "This is irish father O`Malley at St.Bridget`s. There`s a jackass lying dead on me front lawn. Would ye mind sending a couple o`yer lads to take care of the matter?" Sgt.Flaherty considered himself to be quite a wit so the rest of the conversation proceeded: "Well, now irish father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a moment and then irish father O`Malley replied: "Aye, that`s certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin." Read more

Old Seamus Flattery is upstairs dying and the neighbor women are downstairs with Seamus` wife cooking for the wake. The neighborhood men are out in the back passing a pint and the irish priest is coming every three hours to say the rosary. But old Seamus comes out of his coma and calls weakly for his wife: "Johanna, Johanna ... " Downstairs one of the ladies hears him and says to Johanna: "It`s himself, he`s calling for you." So, Johanna climbs upstairs quickly and comes in the room. Johanna: "Oh Seamus me darling what it is?" Seamus: "Is that a ham I smell cooking down there?" Johanna: "Oh aye it tis indeed - a fine big ham." Seamus: "And did you put the cloves to it and cover it with mustard?" Johanna: "Oh aye, its just the way you like it." Seamus: "And would you be after cutting me a small piece?" Johanna: "Oh Seamus you always was such a joker - we`re saving the ham for your wake!" Read more

Mother Superior at the Convent of St Agnes got all of the nuns together for a little meeting, for something had come up. She said, "Sisters, we`ve discovered a case of syphilis in the house!" Whereupon little sister Mary Catherine clasped her hands together and fell to her knees and exclaimed, "Oh, thank the Lord! We`ve all been getting so tired of Chardonnay!" Read more

There was this newly arrived novitiate,young,fresh and eager to please, who was summoned by her Mother Superior to assist the aging Sr. Maureen on her daily round of errands in the local village.. So `tis off they go with young Sr. Bridget studiously taking note of each and every road and stop they made as they pedaled their way about,on the convents two ancient bicycles.After a time they finished their tasks and stopped for a spell for the customary cup o` tay. Upon heading back to the convent, Sr Bridget took the lead only to find that a road they had taken was now impassable, due to heavy repairs going on.Sr Maureen tells her not to worry she knows another way, so off they go again winding and careening down some obscure back roads in a manner that gives young Sr. Bridget cause for concern. Somewhat breathlessly she calls out to Sr Maureen and says "I`ve never come this way before". "Don`t you be alarmed now" says Sr. Maureen " `Tis those lovely cobble stones....." Read more

Heard about the Irish woodworm .... found dead in a brick! Read more