Jewish Jokes Category

The dream.
Moshe was taking to his psychiatrist. "I had a weird dream recently," he says. "I saw my mother but then I noticed she had your face. I found this so worrying that I immediately awoke and couldn`t get back to sleep. I just stayed there thinking about it ... Read more

The beggars.
Two beggars are sitting on the pavement in Ireland. One is holding a large Cross and the other a large Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. As people walk by, they lift their noses at the guy holding the Star of David but drop money in the other guy’s hat. Soon one hat is nearly full whilst the other hat is empty.
... Read more

Jewish film titles
Oy of the Beholder - Singles kvetch about their awful partners.
Girls Interrupted  - Women`s section of shul are told to be quiet during davening.
Seder House Rules - Zeda explains the law on Pesach.
Angela`s Kashas  - Woman tells all her secret recipes.
Supernova  - Rocket scientists discover powerful strain of lox.
Dredel Will Rock  - Toy comes alive during Chan... Read more

Gourmet food.
Harry was walking down Regent Street and stepped into a posh gourmet food shop.
An impressive salesperson in a smart morning coat with tails approached him and politely asked, "Can I help you, Sir?"
"Yes," replied Harry, "I would like to buy a pound of lox."
"No. No," responded the dignified salesperson, "You mean smoked salmon."
"OK, a pound of smoked salmon, the... Read more

The yiddish speaker.
Sadie, an elderly lady, goes up to a man at a bus stop in Golders Green.
She tugs on the sleeve ... Read more

Kol Nidre night.
Sidney telephones Rabbi Levy.
He says, "Rabbi, I know tonight is Kol Nidre night, but tonight Spurs are in the European Cup quarter finals. Rabbi, I`m a life lo... Read more

Come & get me!
Isaac and Sarah got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, Sarah immediately telephoned her mother Leah.
"Well," said Leah, "how was the honeymoon,darling?"
"Oh mum," Sarah replied, "the honeymoon was fantastic. It was so romantic, and ..and..."
Then Sarah started to cry. "Oh mum, as soon as we got back, Isaac started using terrible language. He said things I`d never hoped to hear, all those 4-letter words. Please mum, ... Read more

Morris, the Samurai.
There once was a powerful emperor who needed a new chief Samurai. So he put up posters throughout the land saying he was searching for a new chief Samurai. But after 2 months, only 3 Samurai applied for the job, a Japanese, a Chinese, and Morris. So he interviewed all three.
The emperor first asked the Japanese to demonstrate why he should be his chief Samurai. The Japanese opened a little silver box and out flew a little fly. Whoosh went his sword and the fly dropped dead in two pieces. The emperor was impressed.
The emperor then asked the Chinese to demonstrate why he should be his chief Samurai. Th... Read more

The Inland Revenue.
Rabbi Rabinovitz  answers his phone.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this Rabbi Rabinovitz?"
"It is."
"This is the Inland Revenue. Can you help us?"
"I`ll tr... Read more

The convert.
Martin Lewis converts and becomes a priest.
He give his first Mass in front of a number of high ranking priests who came for the occasion. At the end of the new priest`... Read more