Judges Jokes Category

Insurance Company
A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against .... get this .... fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued ... and won!! In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal proces Read more

A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.
"What for?!?!?" he snapped at the judge.
His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared out loud: "Twenty dollars contempt of court! That's why!"
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented:
"That's all right. You don't have to pay now."
The young man replied, "I know. But I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words." Read more

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined." "It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer. "Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" "Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge." Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked!" "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them." "But, I did send them." "What? You did?" said the lawyer, incredulously. "Yes. That's how we won the case." "I don't understand," said the lawyer. "It's easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff' Read more

The lawyer was cross-examining a witness.
"Isn`t it true, "he bellowed, "that you were I given $500.00 to throw this case?
The witness did not answer. Instead, he just stared out the window as though he hadn`t
heard the question. The attorney repeated himself, again getting the same reaction - no response.
Finally, the judge spoke to the witness, "Please answer the question.
"Oh, said the startled witness, "I thought he was talking to you.


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Before a burglary trial, the judge explained to the defendant, "You can let me try your case, or you can choose to have a jury of your peers.
The man thought for a moment. "What are peers? he asked.
"They`re people just like you “ your equals.
"Forget it, retorted the defendant. "I don`t want to be tried by a bunch of thieves.
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Judge: Haven`t I seen you before?
Man: Yes, Your Honor. I taught your daughter how to play the drums.
Judge: Twenty years!
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The judge frowned at the tired robber and said, "then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights?
Yes, your honor.
"And why was that?
"Because my wife wanted a dress.
The judge check with his records, "But it says here you broke in three nights in a row!
"Yes sir. She made me exchange it two times.


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Standing before the judge during an alimony hearing, the man said, "As God is my judge, I do not owe that madwoman money!
The judge calmly replied, "He isn`t. I am. You do.
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Heckling in the courtroom had constantly interrupted the trial, and the judge had had enough. "The next person who interrupts the proceeding will be thrown out of my court! he said severely, at which the defendant yelled, "Hooray! Read more

"What is your occupation? asked the judge.
"I`m a locksmith, your honor.
"And what were you doing in the jeweler`s shop at three in the morning when the police officers entered?`
" I was making a bolt for the door!

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