Male Jokes Category

There were two buddies, one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."

The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead."

They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses and he starts to walk in. The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed."

The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye-dog."

The bouncer says, "A Doberman Pinscher?"

He answers, "Yes, they're using them now; they're very good and protect me from robbers, too."

The man at the door says, "Come on in."

The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.

Once again the bouncer says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer at the door says, "A Chihuahua?"

The man with the Chihuahua says, "A Chihuahua?????? They gave me a Chihuahua?!"

This man in a Ford Granada pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign.

Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls: "Hey, you got a telephone in there?"

The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I do." "I got one too... see?" "Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice."

Then the man in the Granada says, "You got a fax machine?" "Why, actually, yes, I do." "I do too! See? It's right here!" "Uh-huh."

The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Granada says, "So, do YOU have a double bed in back there?"

And the guy in the Rolls says, "NO! Do you?" "Yep, got my double bed right in back here — see?!" The light turns and the man in the Granada takes off.

Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he goes immediately to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his car. About two weeks later, the job is finally done and he picks up his car and drives all over town looking for the Granada. He finally finds it parked alongside the road so he pulls his Rolls up next to it. The windows on the Granada are all fogged up and he feels a little awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Granada.

The man in the Granada finally opens the window a crack and peeks out.
The guy in the Rolls says, "Hey. Remember me?" "Yeah, yeah, I remember you. What's up?"

"Check this out — I got a double bed installed in my Rolls." And the man in the Granada says, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?!"

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength.

He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got."

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

Two men were out golfing. As one was ready to take his shot, a funeral procession drove by the golf course.

The man stopped what he was doing, put down his club, and took off his hat and placed it over his heart. His partner was moved by this and said,

"That's the nicest thing I've even seen you do!"

The man looked back at him and said, "Well, that's the least I could do after 20 years of marriage..."

Two guys were riding in a car, arguing about how to say the name of the city that they were in. One said "Louieville" and the other "Louiseville."

They went on arguing and arguing, until they came upon a fast-food restaurant.
The one guy goes inside and says to the waitress, "Tell me the name of the place where I am right now really, really, really slowly."

The waitress goes, "Bur-ger-King."

When Ted was putting flowers on his Grandmother's grave he noticed a man, very distraught, in front of a tombstone several yards away.

The man was on his knees, hands tightly clasped in front of him, rocking back and forth, head tilted upward to heaven, tears streaming down his cheeks, moaning softly, "Why did you die? Why did you die?" Over and over again.

Ted was overcome with emotion at this sight and went over to the poor man to try and console him. "Why did you die? Why did you die?" bellowed the man again and again. Ted gently put his arm around the man and half whispered to him,
"My Grandmother is buried just over there. Is a loved one of yours buried here?"

"No," sniffled the man, "It's my wife's first husband."

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by his first name.
It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson.
Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling."

"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."

A neighbor of mine was bit by a stray rabid dog.
I went to see how he was and found him writing furiously. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will.

He said, "Will, what will? I'm making a list of people I'm gonna bite."

Brian was dating Lorraine and they were very close.
While they were dating he met another woman named Clearly and wanted to start dating her but felt that he should be faithful to Lorraine. So he continued to date Lorraine.

One day Brian took Lorraine on a walk in the woods by the river. As they were walking near the river Lorraine fell in and was washed away.
Brian softly sang, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine has gone..."

Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet paper roll?

A: No one knows, it's never been done.