Musician Jokes Category

A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve.
Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."
A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor." Read more

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple
days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard
some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave,
listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony,
being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony,
And it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the
Sixth...the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happenin Read more

Years ago, the Seattle Symphony was doing Beethoven's Ninth under the baton of Milton Katims. At this point, you must understand two things:
1. There's a long segment in this symphony where the bass violins don't have a thing to do. Nothing. Not a single note for page after page;
2. There used to be a tavern called Dez's 400 right across the street from the Seattle Opera House, favored by local musicians.
It was decided that during this performance, after the bass players had played their parts they'd quietly lay down their instruments and leave the stage rather than sit on their stools looking (and feeling) dumb for twenty minutes.
Well, once they got backstage, someone suggested that they trot across the street and have a few brews. After they had downed the first couple rounds, one said, "Shouldn't we be getting back? It'd be awfully embarrassing if we were late."
Another, presumably the one who suggested this excursio Read more

A tourist in Vienna goes through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.
He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: "Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827."
Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony, and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him. By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar.
When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the Read more

A down and out musician was playing his harmonica in the middle of a busy shopping mall. Striding over, a policeman asked, "May I please see your permit? I don`t have one, confessed the musician. "In that case, you`ll have to accompany me.
"Splendid! exclaimed the musician. "What shall we sing?
Read more

The doorbell rang, and the lady of the house discovered a workman, complete with tool chest, on the front door. "Lady, he announced, "I`m the piano tuner. The lady exclaimed, "Why, I didn`t send for a piano tuner. The man replied, "I know, but our neighbors did. Read more

1st man: "My neighbors were screaming and yelling at three o'clock this morning!"
2nd man: "Did they wake you?"
1st man: "Nah....I was up playing my bagpipes." Read more

Hey buddy. How late does the band play?
About half a beat behind the drummer.
Read more

The choir had just come out of rehearsal. "Am I to assume that you do a lot of singing at home? Mr. Harris asked a fellow choir member, David Grey. "Yes, I sing a lot. I use my voice just to kill time, said David. Mr. Harris nodded, "You certainly have a fine weapon. Read more

A saxophone is like a lawsuit.
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
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