Office Jokes Category

Rules: (1) The boss is always right. (2) When the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1. Read more

If I want your opinion, I`ll ask you to fill out the necessary form. Read more

Q: What do you say to an Arts graduate with a job? A: I`ll have a hamburger please. Read more

Useful Work Phrases 1. Thank you. We`re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. 2. I don`t know what your problem is, but I`ll bet it`s hard to pronounce. 3. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t care. 4. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. 5. I`m not being rude. You`re just insignificant. 6. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. 7. How about never? Is never good for you? 8. I`m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me. 9. You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication. 10. I`ll try being nicer if you`ll try being smarter. 11. I`m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message. 12. I don`t work here. I`m a consultant. 13. It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m really quite busy. 14. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits. 15. I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. Read more

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?" And the HR Person replied, "Yeah, but you started it." Read more

The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management. Read more

I`m just working here till a good fast-food job opens up. Read more

Don`t Miss This Opportunity Are you interested in making $$$$ fast? Here`s an incredibly simple way to do it and there is nothing to buy, no investment to make, no money to lose! TRY it now! Follow this simple procedure: 1. Open a new text or word document 2. Hold down the shift key. 3. Hit the 4 key four times. Read more

Performance Reviews "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom.....and has started to dig." "His men would follow him anywhere...but only out of morbid curiosity." "This employee is really not so much of a `has-been`, but more of a definite `won`t be`." "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap." "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle." Read more

If you don`t know what you`re doing, do it neatly. Read more