Ole & Lena Jokes Category

Ole`s neighbor Sven had a boy, Sven Junior, who came home one day and asked, "Papa, I have da biggest feet in da third grade. Is dat becoss I`m Norvegian?""No," said Sven, "It`s because you`re NINETEEN." Read more

Ole and Lena went to a fair. Ole was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost."$10 for 3 minutes, " replied the pilot."That`s too much, " said Ole.The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I`ll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you`ll have to pay $10."Ole and Lena agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to Ole, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man.""Maybe so, " said Ole, "but I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out." Read more

Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride. They had brought along bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel."Have you eaten your banana yet?" Ole asked excitedly."No, " replied Lars."Vell don`t touch it den, " Ole exclaimed. "I yust took vun bite and vent blind!" Read more

Lena was being interviewed for a job as maid for the very wealthy Mrs. Diamond, who asked her: "Do you have any religious views?""No," said Lena, "but I`ve got some nice pictures of Norway." Read more

Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo? "Just a minute," said the busy clerk. "Vell, said Lena, "if it has to go dat fast, I tink Ill just take da bus." Read more

Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena`s knee. Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go a little farther now if ya vant to"... so Ole drove to Duluth. Read more

Little Ole was sitting at the kitchen table doing his school homework. He had a puzzled look on his face as he considered the assignment that was due--writing an essay about his origin. He turned to question his mother. "Mama, vere did Grandma come from?" he asked."Da stork brought her, " answered mama Lena."And vere did yew come from?" asked Little Ole."Da stork brought me, " his mother answered."And vere did I come from?" Little Ole inquired. "Vell, son, da stork brought yew, tew, " mama Lena replied.With a scowl on his face, Little Ole picked up his pencil, turned to his school tablet, and began writing his essay: "Dere have been no natural births in our family for three yenerations." Read more

Ole and Lena went to the Olympics. While sitting on a bench a lady turned to Ole and said, "Are you a pole vaulter?" Ole said, "No, I`m Norvegian...and my name isn`t Valter." Read more

Ole wore both of his winter jackets when he painted his house last July. The directions on the can said "put on two coats". Read more

Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.Lena replied, "You yust put `Ole died`."The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, "That`s it? Just `Ole died?` Surely, there must be something more you`d like to say about Ole. If its money you`re concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more."So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "O.K. You put `Ole died. Boat for sale.` " Read more