Parrot Jokes Category

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.There was only one problem: The captain`s parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show."Look, it`s not the same hat!" "Look, he`s hiding the flowers under the table!" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"The magician was furious but couldn`t do anything, it was the captain`s parrot after all.One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side.They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days.After a week the parrot finally said, "Okay, I give up. What`d you do with the boat?" Read more

The old Navy Chief finally retired and got that chicken ranch he always wanted. He tookwith him his life-long pet parrot.First morning at 0430, the parrot squawked loudly and said, ?Reveille, Reveille. Up allhands. Heave out and trice up. The smoking lamp is lighted, now Reveille.?The old chief told the parrot, ?We are no longer in the Navy. Go back to sleep.?The next morning, the parrot did the same thing. Chief told the parrot, ?If you keep this up, I`ll put you out in the chicken pen.?Again the parrot did it, and true to his word, the Chief put the parrot in the chicken pen.About 0630 the next morning, the Chief was awakened by one heck of a ruckus in the chicken pen. He went out to see what was the matter. The parrot had about 40 white chickens at attention in formation, and on the ground laid 3 bruised and beaten brown chickens. The parrot was saying, ?By God, when I say fall out in dress whites, I don`tmean Khakis!? Read more

As a guy takes his seat on an airplane, he is surprised to find a parrot strapped in next to him. After taking off, the flight attendant comes around to serve the passengers on the plane. The guy asks the flight attendant for a coffee and the parrot squawks: "And get ME a coke...NOW!"The flight attendant, flustered by the parrot`s attitude, brings back a coke for the parrot. However, she forgets the coffee for the guy.As the guy points this out, the parrot drains his glass and screams:"Get me another coke or I`ll really create a scene!"Quite upset, the attendant comes back shaking, with another coke, but still no coffee.Irritated at her forgetfulness, the man decides to try the parrot`s approach. "I`ve asked you twice for a coffee. Go and get it right now, or I`ll create a scene that will make HIS look like a Victorian tea party!"The next moment, both the guy and the parrot are grabbed and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly security guards.Hurtling towards earth, the parrot turns to him and says: "You`re pretty cheeky for a guy who can`t fly!" Read more

A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said, "The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars.""Why does that parrot cost so much?" the man wondered.The owner replied, "Well, it knows how to use a computer."The man asked about the next parrot on the perch."That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system." Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third parrot."That one costs 2,000 dollars.""And what does that one do?" the man asked.The owner replied, "To be honest, I`ve never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him boss!" Read more

Jimmy: `Hey, Mike! How`s your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special.`Mike: `To tell the truth, I`m really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird.`Jimmy: `What? Let me get this straight... You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird?`Mike: `Well, yeah. After all, you know, he`s a parrot fish.`Jimmy: `Now listen, Mike, while you might be able to teach a parrot to sing, you`re never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish.`Mike: `That`s what you think! It just so happens this fish CAN sing. The thing is, he`s terribly off-key and it`s driving mecrazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?` Read more

Two morons stand on a cliff with their arms outstretched. One has some budgies lined up on each arm, the other has parrots lined up on his arms.After a couple of minutes, they both leap off the cliff and fall to the ground.Laying next to each other in intensive care at the hospital, one moron says to the other, "I don`t think much of this budgie jumping."The other moron replies, "Yeah, I`m not too keen on this paragliding either." Read more

A preacher is buying a parrot."Are you sure it doesn`t scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher."Oh absolutely. It`s a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him."Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord`s prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.""Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?""I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot. Read more

A woman came to work one morning obviously upset. Her boss asked her what was wrong. She told him that the kids` parrot had gotten out, and they couldn`t find the bird.The boss told her not to worry that the bird would probably come back soon. She replied that she was worried about what the bird might say....the only words it knows are "Here Kitty Kitty." Read more

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "And get me a whisky you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee.When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you idiot". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee.Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot`s approach "I`ve asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I`ll kick you".The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says "For someone who can`t fly, you complain too much!" Read more

Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn`t accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I`ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I`ll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large rotweiler inside named Killer; he won`t bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!"Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.As he was ready to leave, he couldn`t resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don`t you shut up!"To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!" Read more