Philosophy Jokes Category

A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his driver, who listened in awe at every speech while his boss would easily answer questions about morality and ethics.Then one day the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for the evening`s lecture. The philosopher agreed and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well. When it came time for questions from the guests, a woman in the back asked, "Is the epistemological view of the universe still valid in an existentialist world?""That is an extremely simple question," he responded. "So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer that, which is exactly what he will do." Read more

If a telephone rings in an empty room and no one is there to answer it, was there really a phone call? Help me investigate this phenomenon by leaving your name and number after the tone. Read more

A man does a good deed and as a reward his guardian angel appears and offers him the answer to any question he wishes to ask. But she says to take his time and she will return in two days. Well the man immediately realized he could become very rich: Which stock will go up the most over the next five years? Which horse will win the Kentucky Derby? Who will win the next Superbowl? etc. But then he thought, why waste this chance of a lifetime on money? After all, money is only a means to happiness. With the right question he can determine the secret of happiness itself!But the more he thought about it, the more he worried about tricks the angel might play: for example, suppose he asked, "What will make me the happiest man in the universe?" And she answered, "Go live on planet Rigel III" - perhaps true, but perfectly useless.So our careful questioner decided to take this problem to the nearest philosophy department for assistance. He put the problem to the chair. The chair loved the challenge and as it happens, they were having a departmental meeting that evening anyway, so he told the man to return the next day. When the man returned, the chair beamed and informed him that the department put its best minds together and came up with the best possible question to ask the angel - and naturally he told the man the question to ask.The next day the angel appeared and asked, "Well, do you have a question for me?""Yes," the man replied with a great deal of confidence in his voice. "What are the members of the following ordered pair: the first member of the pair is the best possible question I could ask you, and the second member of the pair is the answer to that question?"The angel smiled and said, "You know, you couldn`t have asked me a better question. In fact the first member of the pair IS the question you just asked. But that means the second member is the answer I`m giving you now." Read more

The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.The Second Law of Philosophy: They`re both wrong. Read more

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?" Read more

The thoroughly secular young attorney and the philosopher were engaged in fierce theological debate: "Heaven and hell, you will agree, may very well be separated by a wall," contended the lawyer. Should it happen that this wall would fall down, who would you say must rebuild it?"The righteous would insist that the wicked do it; the latter would likely refuse. If this case came before a judge, which do you believe would emerge the winner?""It seems to me," replied the philosopher, "that any fair-minded judge would render a verdict against the wicked, since the likelihood is that the wall should crumble from the fires of hell rather than from the bliss of Paradise."On the other hand," he concluded, "I fully realize that hell surely contains a full quota of glib-tongued lawyers, and I should therefore not be surprised if they won the case." Read more

The French existentialist Jean-Paul Sartre was sitting in a cafe when a waitress approached him: "Can I get you something to drink, Monsieur Sartre?"Sartre replied, "Yes, I`d like a cup of coffee with sugar, but no cream".Nodding agreement, the waitress walked off to fill the order and Sartre returned to working. A few minutes later, however, the waitress returned and said, "I`m sorry, Monsieur Sartre, we are all out of cream -- how about with no milk?" Read more

I do not think -- therefore I am not.Here is the illustration of this principle:One evening Rene Descartes went to relax at a local tavern. The tender approached and said, "Ah, good evening Monsieur Descartes! Shall I serve you the usual drink?".Descartes replied, "I think not.", and promptly vanished. Read more

Seen on a restroom wall: "God is dead: Nietzsche. Nietzsche is dead: God." Read more

I don`t want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this is an answering machine? Maybe it`s a dream, or maybe it`s an illusion, or maybe YOU don`t really exist. One way to find out is to leave a message, and if it`s reality, I will call you back. Read more