Preacher Jokes Category

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his Lawyer (both church members), to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and Lawyer were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment.They were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.Finally, the Lawyer asked, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?"The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that`s how I want to go, too. Read more

The minister gave his Sunday morning service, as usual, but thisparticular Sunday, it was considerably longer than normal.Later, at the door, shaking hands with parishioners as they movedout, one man said, "Your sermon, Pastor, was simply wonderful - soinvigorating and inspiring and refreshing."The minister of course, broke out in a big smile, only to hear theman add, "Why I felt like a new man when I woke up!" Read more

There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he got, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture-perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do. The urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant and told him that he was sick and could not attend church. Then he packed up the car, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he`s doing." God nodded in agreement.The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung, and the ball sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A perfect hole-in-one. The preacher was amazed and excited. The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him."God smiled. "Think about it -- who can he tell?" Read more

Church feuds are not uncommon, especially among cliques in the congregation. But when the pastor and choir director get into it, stand aside.One week our preacher preached on commitment, and how we should dedicate ourselves to service. The director then led the choir in singing, `I Shall Not Be Moved.`The next Sunday, the preacher preached on giving and how we should gladly give to the work of the Lord. The choir director then led the song, `Jesus Paid It All.`The next Sunday, the preacher preached on gossiping and how we should watch our tongues. The hymn was `I Love To Tell The Story.`The preacher became disgusted over the situation, and the next Sunday he told the congregation he was considering resigning. The choir then sang `Oh, Why Not Tonight.`When the preacher resigned the next week, he told the church that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was taking him away. The choir then sang, `What A Friend We Have in Jesus.` Read more

Christmas was finally over and the Pastor`s wife dropped into an easy chair saying, "Boy! Am I ever tried."Her husband looked over at her and said, "I had to conduct two special services last night, three today, and give a total of five sermons. Why are you so tired?""Dear," she replied, "I had to listen to all of them." Read more

The crumbling, old church building needed remodeling, so the preacher made an impassioned appeal, looking directly at the richest may in town. At the end of the message, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1,000."
Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood again and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000."Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again, and again he virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge."He sat down, and an larger chunk of plaster fell hitting him on the head. He stood once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!"This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again! Read more

A minister delivered a sermon in ten minutes one Sunday morning, which was about half the usual length of his sermons. He explained, "I regret to inform you that my dog, who is very fond of eating paper, ate that portion of my sermon which I was unable to deliver this morning".After the service, a visitor from another church shook hands with the preacher and said, "Pastor, if that dog of yours has any pups, I want to get one to give to my minister". Read more

You might be a preacher if...You`ve waded in a creek wearing a necktie.You`ve ever dreamed you were preaching only to awaken and discover who you were.You`d rather negotiate with terrorists than the church organist.A church picnic is no picnic.You`ve ever wanted to fire the church and form a congregation search committee.You`ve been tempted to take up an offering at a family reunion.You`ve ever wanted to give the soundman some feedback of your own.You`ve ever wanted to lay hands on a deacon, and you weren`t thinking of praying for him.You often feel like you`re herding mules rather than shepherding sheep.Your sermons have a happy ending; everyone`s happy when it ends!You`ve never preached on TV, but your wife made you get down before you break something.It`s your job to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable. Read more

Preacher: ?How come I never see you in church anymore, Morris??Morris: ?There are too many hypocrites there, Reverend.?Preacher: ?Don`t worry, Morris; there`s always room for one more.? Read more

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, Preacher, I sure am."The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked."Nooo, I didn`t!" said the drunk.The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?""Noooo, I have not, Reverend."The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?"The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?" Read more