Retirement Jokes Category

The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company. On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself. The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card, so later he could remember how his staff "miss" him. Most people are writing standard phrases like, "Without you, the company will never be... Read more

Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, ``How do you really feel? I mean, you`re ... Read more

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for the Department areas, we are forced to cut our number of personnel.Under the new plan, older employees will be asked to accept early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future plans.Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed in effect immediately. The program will be known as R.A.P.E. (Retire Aged Personnel Early).Employees who are R.A.P.E.D. will be given the opportunity to look for other employment outside the company. Provided they are being R.A.P.E.D., they can request a review of the employment records before actual retirement takes place. This phase of t... Read more

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned...couldn`t concentrate.After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn`t suited for it...mainly because it was a so-so job.Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn`t have the thyme.Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn`t cut the mustard.Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn`t hack it, so they gave me the ... Read more

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers.Thinking he`d try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."The novice teed up and sm... Read more

The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly and make them think they will ... Read more

A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town.To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outsi... Read more

A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jok... Read more