Science Jokes Category

Dr. Schlambaugh, a senior lecturer at the Chemical Engineering Department,University of Oklahoma, is known for posing questions on final exams like: "Why do airplanes fly?"In May a few years ago, the "Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer " exam paper contained the question:"Is Hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."Most students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle`s Law or similar. One student, however, wrote the following:First, we must postulate that if souls exist, they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls also must have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it does not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.As for souls entering Hell, let`s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some religions say that if youare not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more thanone of these religions, and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go toHell. With the birth and death rates what they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in the volume of Hell. Boyle`s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of the souls and volume needs to stay constant.[Answer 1] So, if Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature in Hell willincrease until all Hell breaks loose.[Answer 2] Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase in souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressurewill drop until Hell freezes over.So which is it? If we accept the postulate (given to me by Teresa Banyan during freshman year) that "it`ll be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and taking into account that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then [Answer 2] cannot be correct;...... thus, Hell is exothermic.The student got the only A. Read more

Little Johnny`s teacher asks, "What is the chemical formula for water?"Little Johnny replies, "HIJKLMNO"!!The teacher, puzzled, asks, "What on Earth are you talking about?"Little Johnny replies, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!" Read more

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity.To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300? C.The Russians use a pencil. Read more

It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA -- they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime. As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, the head scientist at NASA asked everyone to be quiet as he was receiving a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States.He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it. "Mr. President," he said with a broad smile on his face, "After twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars."He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown. He said, "But that`s impossible... we could never do it... yes, Mr. President," and hung up the phone.He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously. "I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we`ve found intelligent life on Mars... he wants us to try to find it in the Congress." Read more

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him."Why do we have to learn this stuff?" one young man blurted out."To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a word. Finally the professor continued."Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps certain people out of medical school." Read more

Two atoms are walking down the street when they run into each other. The first says to the second, "Are you all right? Youdon`t look so good.""I`m not feeling very well," says the second atom. "I lost an electron!""Are you sure?" asks the first."Yeah, I`m positive!" Read more

Science has a language of its own which sometimes puzzles laymen. The word "obvious" is a case in point.A professor of physics, deriving some profound point of theory for the class, scribbled an equation on the board and said, "From this, it is obvious that we can proceed to write the following relationship..." and he scribbled a second and equally long equation on the board.Then he paused. He stared hard at the two equations and said, "Wait a minute, I may be wrong..."He sat down and began to write at his desk furiously, crossing out and rewriting for five minutes while the class sat in absolute silence waiting for the verdict.Finally, the professor rose with an air of satisfaction and said, "Yes, I was right in the first place. It *IS* obvious that the second equation follows from the first." Read more

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut. They trained them for months. Then when they thought they were ready, they placed all three in the shuttle and got ready to send them up into space.As the moment came closer NASA`s mission control center announced, "This is mission control to Monkey One. Initiate!"At that the first monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle`s engines ignited and the shuttle took off.Two hours later NASA`s mission control center announced, "This is mission control to Monkey Two. Initiate!"At that the second monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle separated from the empty fuel tanks.Another two hours later mission control announced, "This is mission control to the astronaut..."At this the astronaut responded "I know, I know. Feed the monkeys and don`t touch anything." Read more

A man is at Grand Central Station waiting for his train that leaves at 6 p.m., but he has forgotten his watch. So he looks for someone to ask the time. He spots a guy carrying two suitcases and sporting this fabulous hi-tech watch, so he asks him for the time.The guy replies "Sure, which country?"The fella asks, "How many countries have you got?" to which the man replies, "All the countries in the world!""Wow! That`s a pretty cool watch you`ve got there.""That`s nothing," the man says. "This watch also has a GPS facility, fax, e-mail and can even receive NTSC television channels and display them on its miniature active color pixel LCD screen!""Boy, that`s incredible. I wish I had a watch like that one. You wouldn`t consider selling it by any chance?""Well, actually the novelty has worn off for me, so for $900, if you want it, it`s yours."The watchless traveler can hardly whip out his checkbook fast enough to hand over a check for $900.The seller takes off the watch and gives it to him. "Congratulations, here is you new hi-tech watch." Then, handing the two suitcases over as well, he says, "And here are the batteries." Read more

One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.The scientist walked up to God and said, "God, we`ve decided that we no longer need you. We`re to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don`t you just go on and get lost?"God listened very patiently and kindly to the man. After the scientist was done talking, God said, "Very well, how about this? Let`s say we have a man-making contest." To which the scientist replied, "Okay, great!"But, God added, "Now, we`re going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam."The scientist said, "Sure, no problem" and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.God looked at him and said, "No, no, no. You go get your own dirt." Read more