Shopping Jokes Category

A teenage girl shopped at the mall and stopped at the perfume counter. She sees, ?My Sin?, ?Desire?, and ?Ecstasy?. She says to the salesperson, ?I don`t want to get emotionally involved...I just want to smell nice.? Read more

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched. Read more

Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago."Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked."Not very likely," his wife said."It`s worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store.With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter.With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I`ll have to look for these."He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!""No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That`s terrific! Who would have thought they`d still be here after all this time."The man came back to the counter, empty-handed."They`ll be ready Thursday," he said calmly. Read more

I was browsing in a souvenir shop when the man next to me struck up a conversation. Just as he was telling me that his wife was getting carried away with her shopping, a brief power shortage caused the lights toflicker overhead. `That,` he sighed, `must be her checking out now.` Read more

I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn`t get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me "Do you know how much this is?" and I said to her "I`ve changed my mind, I don`t think I`ll buy that today." She said "OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened..... Read more

A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, "Do you have any small notebooks?""Sorry," says the manager. "We`re all out."The woman shrugs, and asks, "Well, do you have any mechanical pencils?""Nope, don`t have that either," says the manager.The woman feels her stomach rumbling and asks, "Do you have Doritos? Nachos?"The manager shrugs, "Sorry.""Hmmph. How about Chapstick?" says the woman."Nope. Don`t have that.""Well" the woman says, "If you don`t have anything, why don`t you close the store?"The manager shrugs, "Can`t. Don`t have the key." Read more

A man walks into a jewelry store to buy his girlfriend an engagement ring. Looking behind the glass case, he comes across an exquisite band with a handsome-sized rock in its center.?Excuse me sir,? the gentleman says to the salesman. ?How much is this ring???Ah, that`s a beautiful piece,? the salesman replies. ?It goes for $10,000.??My God!? the man exclaimed. ?That`s a lot of money!??Yes, but a diamond is forever.??Perhaps,? the gentleman replied, ?but my marriage won`t last that long!? Read more

It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30AM, the store`s opening time.A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man`s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit and then thrown to the end of the line again.As he got up the second time, he complained to the person at the end of the line, "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I`m not opening the store!" Read more

SUPER BUSINESS SLOGANS, PART ILocal ad for a plumber:"We repair what your husband fixed."On the trucks of a local plumbing company in Pennsylvania:"Don`t sleep with a drip - call your plumber."Pizza shop slogan:"7 days without pizza makes one weak."At a tire shop in Milwaukee:"Invite us to your next blowout."Door of a plastic surgeon`s office:"Hello, can we pick your nose?"Sign at the psychic`s hotline:"Don`t call us, we`ll call you."At a laundry shop:"How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that besatisfactory?"At a Towing Company:"We don`t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."Billboard on the side of the road:"Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."Outside a muffler shop:"No appointment necessary, we hear you coming."Outside a hotel:"Help! We need inn-experienced people."On a desk in a reception room:"We shoot every third salesman, and the second one just left."In a veterinarian`s waiting room:"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"At the electric company:"We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don`t, you will be." Read more

Judi was walking by the jewelry store one day in the midtown mall. She saw a diamond bracelet that she really liked. In the store she went.?Excuse me,? she said to the sales lady behind the counter, ?Will a small deposithold that bracelet until my husband does something unforgivable?? Read more