Steven Wright Jokes Category

I got picked up by one of those huge trailer trucks carrying 20 brand new cars. I climbed up the side of the cab and opened the door. The guy said, "I don`t have much room up here, why don`t you get into one of the cars out back." So I did. And he was really into picking people up because he picked up 19 more. We all had our own cars. Then he went 90 miles per hour and we all got speeding tickets. Read more

You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that`s part of the experiment? I`m like that all the time. Read more

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone. When I came back the entire area was missing. Read more

Then she said, "How do you feel?" And I said, "Well, you know when you`re rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far that you almost fall over backwards, but at the last instant you catch yourself? That`s how I feel all the time." Read more

You know how it is when you`re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there`s one more step? I`m like that all the time. Read more

We were in Salino, Utah when we were arrested for not going through a green light. We pleaded "maybe". I asked the judge if he knew what time it was. He did, and I said, "No further questions." Read more

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I`m leaving. Read more

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing. Read more

I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That`s pretty big. Read more

I like to pick up hitchhikers. When they get in the car I like to say, "Sooo, how far did you THINK you were going anyway?", or "Put on your seat belt. I want to try something. I saw it once in a cartoon, but I think I can do it." Read more