Stupid Jokes Category

Why do morons like lightning?They think someone is taking their picture.Why did it take the moron an hour to eat breakfast?Because the orange juice carton instructions said Concentrate ! !What do you do if a moron throws a grenade at you?Pull the pin and throw it back at him.How did the moron fall on the floor?He tripped over the cordless phone.How did the moron try to kill a bird?He threw it off a mountain cliff !Why did the moron climb the glass wall ?To see what was on the other side!How do you confuse a moron?Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in one corner!Hear ab... Read more

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that`s the only time I have to work on my hair).On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???...) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it`s "just" a suggestion).On Tesco`s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????..)On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn`t this save me more time?)On Boot`s C... Read more

Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.Remember, "Guns don`t kill people, doctors do."FACT: Not everyone has a gun, but almost everyone has at least one doctor.Please alert your friends to this alarming... Read more

This story takes place on a Native American reservation. One night, it was very, very cold; so cold that people had to bundle together to stay warm.Coincidently, nine months later, at the reservation hospital, there were so many women in labor on the same day that every bed in the maternity ward was full. When another woman came in, the staff found a deer skin and stretched it out on top of some pillows to provide for her a comfortable place to deliver. She gave birth to a healthy baby boy.Another woman came in, so the staff found a buffalo skin and stretched it out on top of some pillows... Read more

An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Italian anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs. Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Where if not for death`s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table ... Read more

A man walks into a doctors office one day, completely naked, and covered in saran wrap. He goes to the doct... Read more

There was an apartment building with three floors on the first floor there was a gay guy eating dozens of pickles on the second floor there was a guy painting his walls green and on the third floor there was two guys naked have a sword fight one day while the two naked guys were havi... Read more

A man walks into a bar after a hellish day of work not noticing it was a gay bar. So when he walks over to order his drink, a gay meets him and said" Have you ever played bar football?" The man never heard such a thing and wanted to know how to play. The gay replied," Its very easy. All you have to do is down a pitcher of beer and fart right after. Downing the beer is a touchdown and th... Read more

Once a person was eating a banana. But a guy went up to him and asked, "Where is Stanley Street? I wa... Read more

An Irishman is really, really drunk, so the bar keeper walks up to him and says:"Right, you`ve had enough, go home..."So the irishman gets up off his stool and falls flat on his face, so he says:"Ok, ai`ll crawl outside instead, to sober up a bit more"He gets outside, and falls flat on his face, so instead he crawls the four streets to his home. when he gets home he opens the door, s... Read more