Work Jokes Category

Part II
WHAT THE NEW JOB-LINGO REALLY MEANS by Dede Molter


"CAREER-MINDED": Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE": We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE": You'll need it to replace three people whom just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST": You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS": You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS": Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it. Read more

Did you hear what happened to the optometrist?

He fell into his lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself.

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A man was sitting at an interview, in his new suit, looking his very best. As he put his hands down to make a point, he and his interviewer noticed the price tag was still attached to the sleeve. "Well", the man said, "at least I can take the suit back if I don't get the job. Read more

The old accountant retired after forty years, and on the top drawer of his desk they found a note that said: "debits in the columns toward the file cabinet. Credits in the column toward the window. Read more

Antartian "J goes for a job interview as a math`s teacher, at the place of interview he finds hundreds of other antartians applying for the same job. He goes in and he is asked:"what is 2+2, antartian "J thinks and finally says 5. The authorities tell him he has got the job, as his answer was the most accurate. Read more

How do you catch a mechanically inclined squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a 9/16-12N nut. Read more

Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.
Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-Cha."
Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this. Read more

A professor of English and the editor of the local newspaper had many friendly arguments. One Friday evening the professor was walking out of a local club with
a bottle of whiskey wrapped in that day`s newspaper.
"Oh! said the editor, who was walking past. "Looks like there`s something interesting in that paper.
"Aye, replied the professor. "It`s the most interesting item that`s been in it all week.

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